Episode 4: Interview with Dave O'Neil

Stand-up comedian and author Dave O'Neil talks to host Elizabeth Harris at his office at The Grandview Hotel, Fairfield, against a backdrop of motorcycles revving their engines, doors opening and closing, and phones ringing, about:

• His latest book, The Summer of '82, a tribute to post-VCE life in the 80s and the shenanigans of his youth
• How to get started as a stand-up comedian
• Tips for dealing with hecklers when you're performing
• His days performing in the band Captain Cocoa, the Devo "Energy Dome" train encounter, and how he feels about being recognized in public
• His upcoming TV show.

Find out more about Dave's work at DaveONeil.com.au.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Elizabeth: Welcome to Writers’ Tête-à-Tête with Elizabeth Harris, the show that connects authors, songwriters and poets with their global audience. So I can continue to bring you high-calibre guests, I invite you to go to iTunes or Spotify, click Subscribe, leave a review, and share this podcast with your friends. Today I’m thrilled to introduce one of the funniest and most entertaining men I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet – Dave O’Neil.

Dave: Gee, that’s a big introduction. I’ve met funnier.

Elizabeth: There’s more Dave.

Dave O’Neil has been in the business of comedy for 20 years, and is one of Australia’s most recognizable stand-up comics, having put in 15 Melbourne international comedy festivals and dozens of comedy clubs nationally.

On screen you will have seen Dave as Team Captain in the ABC TV comedy quiz show Tractor Monkeys, as well as dishing out life advice in The Agony of Life, The Agony of Modern Manners, The Agony of The Mind, Can of Worms, plus messing about on Adam Hills In GorDave Street Tonight and Good News Week. He is probably most well-known for the honour of being the guest with the most appearances (over 50) on ABC TV’s ever popular Spicks & Specks.

Dave O’Neil, welcome to Writers’ Tête-à-Tête with Elizabeth Harris.

Dave: Welcome. Thank you. Lovely to be here. Pleasure to be called a writer, as opposed to a comedian.

Elizabeth: Well, isn’t this your fifth book?

Dave: Yeah yeah, two were kids’ books. My partner and I did them in Australia before we had kids.

Elizabeth: When you had more time.

Dave: We had more time, that’s right. And one’s called Lies That Parents Tell You, so I wouldn’t write that now. My daughter sits up in bed reading it and quotes it back to me.

Elizabeth: How old is she?

Dave: Ten. Yes, it’s tough.

Elizabeth: I was at Kaz Cooke’s book launch about …

Dave: On girl power? Yeah, she’s great. I’ve got to buy that book!

Elizabeth: So Dave, you’ve been through so much in your career, but today I want to concentrate on your hilarious book, The Summer of ’82.

Dave: Sure.

Elizabeth: It’s a real feel-good book, and you cover some intense themes. Discipline. Masculinity. Sexuality. Mateship. Stalking.

Dave: Stalking – that’s right. I followed a girl in Mildura. Back then it wasn’t known as “stalking”; it was known as “unrequited love”. Sexuality – there’s not much sexuality going on in there, I can tell you that. There’s a lack of activity in that department, that’s for sure.

Elizabeth: You were talking about how you were giving advice to 17-year-old virgins.

Dave: That’s right. A little girl at school would ask me for romance advice. I was like, that’s not who you go to for romance advice. You see, I was a nice guy, so the girls talked to me.

Elizabeth: We like nice guys. So getting back to this book: What inspired you to write it, and what’s your favourite memory from summer?

Dave: I always wanted to write a memoir from the 80s, and I wrote a few chapters and put it aside. I saw that TV show This is England on SBS, about the young guys growing up in the Housing Commission area, and I thought I’ve got to write something like that, because that’s in my era. But their show ended with incest and murder, whereas that never happened to me, so I thought why not write a more positive recollection of that time. So I wrote a few chapters and put it aside. And then my son started high school, and so you go to the local high school and it brought back all these memories from when I was in high school.

Elizabeth: At Mitcham High?

Dave: I went to Mitcham High, yeah. Back then we had a choice of the tech or the high school, and if you were Catholic, you went to Catholic school. We weren’t Catholic. So now, and I’m talking about the government schools, not the private schools – you can choose from 3 or 4 around here, so you go to this school or that school, and they’re all the same basically. They haven’t changed much since 1982. They look the same. You’ve got the oval, the canteen, big classrooms, kids sitting around, so they haven’t changed at all, so I thought I should write that book again. It brought back all those memories, and so my son started school, and that’s why I did it. That’s why.

Elizabeth: Now we know.

Dave: It’s just something to do. As comedians, we’ve got to have something to do, apart from studio gigs.

Elizabeth: That’s good. So talking a bit about your children, you mentioned your parents Kev and Joyce – “Joyce the Voice”.

Dave: Yep, “Joyce the Voice”.

Elizabeth: And what I’m wondering now is, are you parenting your children differently from how you were parented then?

Dave: Definitely, definitely. We got hit for a start.

Elizabeth: What with?

Dave: A belt. So Kev would get very angry – it’s in the book – he would get very angry, come running in in a singlet, trying to hide his nether regions, swinging a belt above his head, and whack us in the ...

Elizabeth: My dad had a strap up on the fridge. I think we had a very similar upbringing.

Dave: I don’t hit my children, but obviously parenting your kids back then was a bit easier, because you’d just say “I’ll hit you”, and that was a full stop to the conversation, whereas all I can do is yell at them.

Elizabeth: How about cracking some jokes – does that work?

Dave:  Yeah, crack some jokes, try and alleviate the situation, but my daughter in particular doesn’t like that.

Elizabeth: Is that because she’s heard them all before?

Dave: Yeah, she’s heard them all before. “It’s not funny Dad!”

My mum and dad were pretty involved with us. My dad was a Scout leader and staff, so we spent a fair bit of time with him. He was a good role model, and Joyce was introvertly involved in our lives. But he’s even more involved these days – at school pickup and all that. There’s a lot more dads involved now.

Elizabeth: That’s fantastic, so you’ve got that support as well. When we met at your book launch, you told me that you only know comedians.

Dave: It’s true. I don’t know any writers really.

Elizabeth: Well, you know me.

Dave: I know you. And I know Arnold ... who lives around here, who wrote Scheherezade Cafe. He's famous! (Ed: Cafe Scheherazade by Arnold Zable)

Elizabeth: Maybe you can introduce me to Arnold. Is that like Arnold on Happy Days?

Dave: (Laughs) He’s had a book out called Fido – the Box of the Fido.

Elizabeth: I can’t believe I made Dave O’Neil laugh.

Dave:  So I see him on the street here, in Fairfield, and I talk to him about writing and stuff.

Elizabeth: That brings me to something about fame. You’re a very famous star.

Dave: Not that famous.

Elizabeth: Well, we think you are. So, what we want to know is, do you like being recognized when you’re out and about, or does fame have a downside?

Dave: No, my level of fame is pretty small, so people like Dave Hughes or Glenn Robbins, or Carl Barron for instance – they can get hassled all the time.

Elizabeth: Well, in my network, I have a number of people who would love to meet you.

Dave: Really? Well, tell ’em I’m around.

Elizabeth: And they’re going to be really disappointed that here we are, at the Grandview in Fairfield – it’s a stunning place, gorgeous building, lovely people.

Dave: They’re nice people here.

Elizabeth: Michael?

Dave:  Michael and Noah, yep.

Elizabeth: Jenny?

Dave: Michael, Noah and Jenny – they’re all the higher level management here.

Elizabeth: They are, and they made me feel very, very welcome. Made me a coffee. Smiled and when I offered to pay, wouldn’t take my money. It’s fantastic!

Dave: Ah that’s good. I didn’t tell them – you tell someone and they pass it on. It’s all on my tab, probably. My level of fame is not that high. Occasionally when you go interstate – the more you go interstate like Queensland – people get excited about you, but certainly around Fairfield Road, no one cares about you.

Elizabeth: Well, they could have chimed some…”Captain Cocoa”…

Dave:  What, with the band? That’s right. Well when the band broke up, someone did say, “How is Dave O’Neil going to be famous now?” Ambition for fame…

Elizabeth: Let’s stop right there. Was it to meet girls?

Dave: Probably. Definitely not music. We went and saw bands, and just thought: Why can’t we be in a band? And the guy at high school was … famous 80s band … “hands up in the air”…I didn’t see it. And so we thought, that’s the way to meet girls, get up on stage.

Elizabeth: Did it work?

Dave: Well, I met Sonia, who…but anyway, definitely does work. Being in a band definitely does give you the attention you want as a teenager. We used to play at Catholic girls’ schools …dances …You didn’t have to be good; we weren’t good musicians.

Elizabeth: I want to talk about Sonia. You did invest a lot of time and you write about that in your great book. Then you say you end up having a better relationship with her younger brother.

Dave:  Well, that’s right. What happened was that I hitchhiked to Mildura to see her on New Year’s Eve to surprise her. And she was surprised, particularly her dad. And they gave me a lift to the caravan park where I stayed for New Year’s Eve. And the younger brother – I can’t remember his name – he was a great kid, and so we got on really well. He’s probably a year, two years younger than me. Was it Shane – Shane? So we ended up hanging out together.

Elizabeth: Was it Malcolm?

Dave:  Malcolm, that’s right. And we got on really well, whereas Sonia and me didn’t get on well.

Elizabeth: Well, that might have something to do with the boyfriend too.

Dave: She had a boyfriend who I also got on well with. Probably married, those guys. So, yeah, good times.

Elizabeth: So getting back to that, I just want to know, for all those young men who think they’ll never get a date, much less have a child: you’ve had three, haven’t you?

Dave: Yes.

Elizabeth: What dating advice can you offer?

Dave:  Dating advice? That’s a good one. It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a date…not since the 80s. Surprise question – dating advice. Ask someone out – you know a good thing is to ask someone out for a drink or for something during the day. That’s what I read on some dating websites. Ask someone out during the day where there’s no pressure. At night I think there’s a fair bit of pressure. I reckon ask them out for a drink during the day or late afternoon.

Elizabeth: What about a play date?

Dave: Well, if you’re parents, definitely.

Elizabeth: That seems to work well.

Dave: Yeah, I think in our age group - I Dave’t know how old you are, but I’m middle-aged – there’s definitely a bit of that going on with divorce and separated parents. And fair enough.

Elizabeth: And there’s a really good place to go in St Kilda called St Kilda Adventure Playground.

Dave: Oh, I’ve never been there!

Elizabeth: It’s great.

Dave: That’s great.

Elizabeth: And there’s a fellow who runs it – he’s a youth worker but he’s also a musician. Adrian Thomas. Check him out – he’s fantastic.

So what do you like to do in your spare time?

Dave: I like to watch TV.

Elizabeth: Yourself perhaps?

Dave: Not myself. I don’t like watching myself. I did a spot on one of those comedy galas this year. I hadn’t seen it; I watched it, I thought it was pretty good. I’m pretty happy … I was judge of myself.

Elizabeth: Of course it’s good.

Dave: What happened is…so I spend a lot of time with 3 children. Once I get them to bed at night, or if I’m home during the day, I do like to watch a bit of TV. And I watch a mixture of – I watch a few movies but more serious these days. There’s a mixture of comedies and drama. I do like a good drama, you know like Vikings or something like that.

Elizabeth: I’m a fan of Doc Martin myself because I’m a nurse.

Dave: Oh ya Doc Martin. Is he Aspergers? Yeah, must be Aspergers. I’ve been watching … the comedy show … it’s quite funny … so I watch that, get some laughs out of that. What else have I been taping…oh yeah…West World on Foxtel.

Elizabeth: Oh yes. More fun to watch yourself, you know.

Dave: Watch yourself? Yeah, no thanks.

Elizabeth: What I’d love you to do is share an excerpt from your great book.

Dave: Sure. Do you want me to read it to you or tell you it?

Elizabeth: Whatever works for you.

Dave: I’ll tell you a story. This is the story of The Bomb, the laying of The Bomb. Basically, what happened was we finished school and we went home. No, we went and registered for the dole, and then we went home.

Elizabeth: As we all did.

Dave: And my kids said to me, “How did you know how to make bombs before the internet?” Well, we didn’t need the internet. We had this chap called Brian every night, 6 o’clock. He used to tell us everything we needed to know on the Channel 9 news every night.

Elizabeth: Can you sing the song?

Dave: (Sings)

“Brian told me, Brian told me, Brian told me so

I know everything I need to know, cos Brian told me so.”

Elizabeth: Great tone.

Dave: Great tone, yeah, I wasn’t just a comedian; I was a singer.

So you can imagine these four teenage boys and Mum and Dad, and we couldn’t see the TV – Dad was the only one who could see the TV – we could hear it. He positioned himself in the chair that sits there. So we could hear it. We heard this Brian guy say: “Two boys were arrested today in suburban Adelaide for making homemade bombs.” We were like, oh my God, you could hear a pin drop in the house. Then he told us how to make it, by using chlorine and brake fuel. We were looking at each other, like, we’ve got chlorine – we’ve got a pool – and we’ve got brake fluid; Dad’s a Trades teacher. “So can we please be excused from the table, Dad?” Within 10 minutes we were making bombs.

So the next day we got my mates together and we made – we decided to up the ante and make some really big bombs. And we made this great bomb, but we didn’t want to throw it; we were gutless like any terrorist organization, so we recruited younger, stupider people like Phil, who lived in the house backing here on the paddock. He stuck his head over and said, “What are yous guys doing?” So we got him to throw the bomb, and he threw it. And it bounced – boom, boom – and it sat there, and then it went BANG! Real loud explosion, the biggest one we’d made. It showered us with dirt, and we were all laughing, and the neighbours came out. An old lady said, “It shook the foundations of my chook shed!” And we’re like “It works!”

And then the cops turned up. We heard it. The car screeched up, the doors go, a cop pulls out, and we recognized him – he went to our high school, he was one of my Dad’s Scouts from his Scout trips – obviously he was in his twenties now. Darren, his name was. And he gets out, and it was the easiest case he’d ever solved. He looked at the bomb, then he looked at our house, and he was like “Oh yeah, case solved.”

And then Dad had rocked up. Dad thought Darren had just dropped in to see his former Scout leader, and Dad goes up to him and goes, “G’day Darren, how are you?” And Darren goes, “Ah, this is no social visit Kevin. Do you recognize these containers?” “Yeah, they are my sons’, sitting in the garage.” And we were like, “Oh no…”

So we went to the police station. And the bomb expert from India was on the site, and he couldn’t work out what was in the bombs.

And he said, “What’s in the bombs?”

“Chlorine and brake fluid.”

And he’s like “How’d you know how to do that?”

And we went, “Brian told me.”

“RIGHT, WHO’S BRIAN?!”

So we sang: “Brian told me, Brian told me, Brian told me so”.

I love that story.

Elizabeth: Such a great tune, isn’t it.

Dave: Yeah, it’s a great tune, and they used it in Sydney too, you know. Brian Henderson. Value for money. That’s in the book – lots of detail about the 70s and 80s in The Summer of ’82.

Elizabeth: See, that crime history continued because being from a family of four boys … your brother Mark captured my attention.

Dave:  Yeah Mark’s quite a character in the book. That’s what my mum said the other day: “You were the worst, and now you’re the best.” He’s very good with Mum and Dad.

Elizabeth:  He was a slow starter.

Dave: He was a slow starter, classic middle child out of four boys, and he was very naughty. Got in trouble a lot with the police and he got kicked out of school for setting fire to the chemistry lab. He was meant to be getting changed for Oklahoma I think it was, and he set fire to the lab, and got kicked out.

Elizabeth: See, I’d actually like to read this – I know you don’t like to, but I do.

Dave:  Go on.

Elizabeth: Page 88 – you write: “We’re talking about a kid who’s kicked out of school for setting fire to the chemistry lab while he was meant to be getting changed for his part in the school musical. Hmm, there’s young Mark in the lab where he’s supposed to be putting on his farmer’s overalls to sing in Oklahoma. Wait! The chemicals are too tempting, so it’s time for a quick experiment. Va-voom! Up in flames the lab goes.”

See, I have a brother who is an illustrator. His name is Bernie Harris, and he’s going to illustrate my second children’s book which will be out next year. But he’s similar to Mark in that he used to enjoy lighting the Bunsen burners in the chemistry lab.

Dave:  Ah yeah, they’ve still got Bunsen burners too. Yeah, Mark was very naughty.

Elizabeth: So the difference between our brothers was that he wasn’t caught.

Dave:  Yeah, right, Mark was caught.

Elizabeth: But you had your own way of managing Mark when your parents were away. Do you call it “MYOB Night” or “M.Y.O.B. Night”?

Dave: Oh. Make-Your-Own? Make-Your-Own.

Elizabeth: You were very inventive Dave, and strategic in managing your brother.

Dave: Yeah, he was put in charge of us when Mum and Dad went on holidays, and at that stage he was an apprentice at Telstra. And so he would invite his mates over for a card night. And I was working in a factory and I had to get up early. And he was like …

Elizabeth: You get Endangerment, don’t you?

Dave: Yeah, I was working in a factory and you look at the pay packet and we got Heat Allowance and Dust Allowance. It wasn’t a great job but it was certainly a wakeup call. If I’d done the job at the start of Year 12, I probably would have studied more, I think. Should have done that. But Mark …

Elizabeth: There was something about connectors and fuses, I think.

Dave: Ah yeah. He invited his mates over for cards and they were having this big party, and I pulled the fuse out of the fuse box, threw it out on the lawn, and went back to bed. And the music went (mimics sound of music dying out suddenly)… And he blamed the neighbor of course. So I think when he read the book, he found out it was me.

Elizabeth: It was brilliant. So that job, crawling through those … crawling through those tunnels. And the hot dog …

Dave: Hot dog shop.

Elizabeth: With Cindy.

Dave: With Cindy. So I got a job in a hot dog shop: Alecto Hot Dogs on Toorak Road. People from Melbourne may remember.

Elizabeth: Sorry I don’t remember.

Dave: You don’t remember Alecto Hot Dogs ’92? Yum. So I worked at Alecto Hot Dogs with a girl named Cindy, whom I eventually went out with. She was dressed up like Boy George or Hazie Fantazie and she had all these outrageous outfits. Turned out she was from Mitcham where I lived; I’d just never met her. She was a Catholic and I was Protestant. Different sides of the railway track. So that was very exciting. But I eventually got sacked from the hot dog shop because the owner accused me of stealing the rolls and selling them to an opposition shop, when in fact I was just eating them.

Elizabeth: Was there proof of that?

Dave: Yeah, I was eating them. But then my twin brother was also working there – I have a twin – and he got a full-time job so I just took his job, the part-time job, and kept turning up as him.

Elizabeth: Are you identical?

Dave: Yeah. And they’d say “Didn’t I sack you?” And I’d say “No, that’s my brother.” He’d probably be 20 kilos lighter than me now. He lives in Switzerland; he works for Red Cross. He’s the good twin; I’m the bad twin. He’s doing good stuff.

Elizabeth: The ability to make people laugh is such a gift, and not everybody can do it.

Dave: Not everybody can do it. It takes practice.

Eizabeth: So tell me about that.

Dave: Making people laugh? When I was at school, I was pretty funny, and when I was at uni and stuff, a few girls said “You should be a stand-up comedian – you’re quite funny.” Now when you’re in your twenties and girls say that, that’s a call actually.

Elizabeth: Means something, doesn’t it.

Dave: Yeah it’s a call actually. You should do it. And so I always wanted to do it; I didn’t know it was a job. I had no idea, especially in the 70s – comedy wasn’t prevalent, it was fringe. There are a few comedy clubs that have started, but maybe one work function with comedians. We’ve seen comedians on Scout camps; we used to have comedians turn up to do gigs on Scout camps. So it was definitely something I wanted to do; I just didn’t know how to do it. I thought it was something too out of my reach, but turned out anyone could do it, if you wanted.

Elizabeth: For those that want to launch their comedic careers, is it really the hard slog of gigs and being heckled? And if so, what’s the best way of dealing with the heckling?

Dave: Well I don’t get heckled much anymore, but certainly when you start out, and you’ve got to do a lot of bad gigs – they call them “Open Mic Nights “. Anyone can get up and do it – and if you have an inkling, there’s plenty of them around now, more so than when I started. I would advise people to go and have a look first, and then approach the person running the night and ask to go on the next week and just jump up – write some stuff down and jump up and do it.

The hecklers? Best thing to do with hecklers: repeat what they say. So they say: “You’re a fat idiot.” And you say “What did you say, mate? I’m a fat idiot?” Which lets everyone in the room hear what they say. Because a lot of hecklers do it so no one else can hear what they say, especially in a big room. “You’re a blah-blah.” “Oh really, mate.” And so you repeat what they say, and then you think of something really quick to say back. It doesn’t even have to be that funny; it just has to be quick. I can’t think of any

Elizabeth: On the front cover of this great book, you are pictured wearing a Devo Energy Dome, Dave. Can you explain the impact it had in your life, and what the proclamation “Are We Not Men?” means?

Dave: “We are Devo”. I don’t know what it means – just something they say in one of their songs – album name.

Elizabeth:What it means more so on the train?

Dave: Oh on the train! We went and saw Devo. They had a 9-day tour; they had a few No. 1 hits in Australia.

Elizabeth: What were they?

Dave:  “Whip It”. “Girl U Want”.

Elizabeth: You’re not going to sing to me.

Dave:  No. “Whip It cracked that whip…one sat on the greenhouse tree…”

Elizabeth: Did you bring your guitar?

Dave: No. I play the bass. Anyway, so we went and watched Devo. It was a great night and we were all dressed up in our best; we were slightly alternative kids.

Elizabeth: Does that mean you used to wear makeup?

Dave: No, I didn’t wear makeup, but I had makeup on that night because I’d been rehearsing for The Game Show, which is a TV show. They’re really cool people…and so we dressed up in our best trendy gear: nice jeans and lemon vintage jumpers.

Elizabeth: Lemon.

Dave: Lemon vintage; might have had a pink one if someone was in a brave mood. Then we had these homemade Devo hats, these red flower pots Mum had made.

Elizabeth: Joyce made them!

Dave:  Joyce made them. Crafty. And so we were on the train. We were on a high, singing these Devo songs. Unfortunately for us, The Angels and Rose Tattoo were playing the Myer Music Bowl that night, and all their fans had gone on to Richmond, so this was a classic case of “last train out”.

Elizabeth: For those that weren’t kids in the 80s, tell me about The Angels and Rose Tattoo and Henry Anderson.

Dave: Yeah, bald-headed guy, tattoos. They’re basically hard rock; they’re a great band. They have fans who are hardcore bogans, so guys from the outer suburbs in mullets, stretch jeans, moccasins – tough guys.

Elizabeth: What sort of suburb are we talking about?

Dave:  We’re talking about Moroolbark, Lilydale, Ringwood. I grew up in Mitcham – there are plenty of them in Mitcham, so they would get on the train and they would look at us and be like, “What the … who are these guys?” And so we were like their enemy.

And so one of them came over and he didn’t know where to start, so he started at the shoes. “Where did you get your shoes from?” And I’m like “The shoe shop.” And he’s like “No, you got them from the op shop.” Like that was an insult. I wanted to ask “Where did you get your language from? Your nan’s wardrobe?” But I didn’t say that. I was hoping my Energy Dome would transform itself and he would get picked up and thrown out of the window.

Elizabeth: But it didn’t work.

Dave:  It didn’t work.

And he’s like “Do you have makeup on?” And I went “Why would I have makeup on?” I did have makeup on. So I had come from The Game Show rehearsal and I did have foundation and lipstick on, and I had forgotten to take it off. And he goes “I’m going to bash you!”

And at that point in the book – when I do it live, it’s different – … came through the carriage. He was the tough guy from high school – he’s now a lawyer – and he came through the carriage, and he was a big Greek guy, and he was a big Devo fan so we got on very well. And he was like “What are you…?” and he pushes this guy aside – “What are you doing to him?” And then these guys “Yeah, nah, nah…” and then we pull up at the station. They pull the door open and he fell out on the wrong side of the track - the tough guy. Classic tough guy move – they pull the door when they’re not meant to, and then jump out. He jumped out on the wrong side of the tracks and fell on the tracks so all his mates laughed: “Yer, Gary!”

Elizabeth: Oh, his name was Gary.

Dave:  Yeah, Gary, classic name. And then everyone was like “Are we not men?” And then we were like “Yeah, we are Devo!” and we were chanting on the train. Good times.

Elizabeth: Well, the whole book’s great, cause I’ve read it cover to cover.

Dave:  Oh, good on you. You’re the only one.

Elizabeth: No, I’m sure many, many people will be reading it, especially after our podcast goes live.

Dave: Cool.

Elizabeth: No, truly. What’s your next project, Dave?

Dave:  I’ve written a TV show that I’m going to film soon. I’m just doing a pilot though; it’s based on my life as a stand-up and dad, so we’re going to film it soon, in December.

Elizabeth: Can you talk about the people involved in it?

Dave:  Oh yes of course, it’s based on my life as a comic, so I play myself. Glenn Robbins is in the first episode - he plays himself, because I’m always trying to get him to do charity gigs. He plays himself. Brendan Fevola - he plays himself.

Well, it’s all based on an incident where I did a football club gig 15 years ago, where I insulted … I didn’t know Lance Whitnall - Carlton legend – came from that club – that was his original … and his mum was there when I made it. So I’m using Brendan Fevola in this. I’m too scared to ring Lance Whitnall, let’s be honest. So I know Brendan Fevola and I rang him, and he’s like “Yeah, yeah, no worries!” So that’s going to be out next year. I’m also working on a comic novel – I’ve written a chapter of a comic novel. I had no plans to do it at all, but I got this idea, so I started writing it, and I think it’s pretty funny.

Elizabeth:  Of course it’s funny – it’s you. What else would it be?

Dave:  And again it’s a satire based on the entertainment industry.

Elizabeth:  That would be interesting, and funny.

Dave:  I’ve got to change everyone’s name.

Elizabeth: Are these people going to be recognizable?

Dave:  Yes.

Elizabeth: Of course they are. (Laughter)

Dave:   There’s an amalgamation of people in there – part me, and other people, you know.

Elizabeth:  Composite characters.

Dave: Composite characters, so you don’t get sued.

Elizabeth: So do you have a website or blog where my listeners can find out more about your work?

Dave: Yes. Just go to my Facebook page. I update my Facebook page a lot. It’s “Dave O’Neil”.

But if you just go to my website – dave-o-neil-dot-com-dot-au - there’s a link to my Facebook page. I don’t update my website that much, but I do update Facebook a lot because it’s so easy. I’ve got a public page, like a fan page. I don’t spend any time on my personal page at all.

Elizabeth: So Dave, this is a signature question I ask all my guests because of my book, Chantelle’s Wish: What do you wish for, for the world …

Dave:  World peace.

Elizabeth:  … and most importantly, for yourself? We’ll start with you.

Dave:  For the world? Well, as Rodney King once said, why can’t we all just get along?

Elizabeth: Good point.

Dave: That’ll be good, if everyone got along. I don’t see wars stopping, but if we just looked after the – I saw this great documentary about astronauts, and this astronaut, when he was up in space, he looked at the earth and he said, “It’s like an oasis, and we’re killing it.” So, interesting from an astronaut, ‘cause they’re like military guys, you know what I mean? So if we could look after the planet, that would be good, but I don’t know what I can do, you know. I do the occasional benefit.

Elizabeth: I was going to say you mentioned fundraising; let’s talk about that.

Dave: More of my benefits are for schools - local schools and kinders, that’s what I do, just because I’m in that world.

Elizabeth:  They must love that, though. That really helps them.

Dave:  I do benefits, and I’ll tell you what, if the benefit’s no good, I just get up on stage and I say: ‘I’m here to support the cause. See you later!” Some of the people have benefits in bars, and people are talking and not listening, and I think, “What’s the point?”

Elizabeth: Well, I’d like to invite you to help us out. Pat Guest – he’s a children’s author, and he has a son, Noah, who has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy, and we are creating an event where Rosalie Ham, author of The Dressmaker, will be there.

Dave:  Oh wow.

Elizabeth: She’s got a book out called There Should Be More Dancing. Aric Yegudkin and his wife Masha will be dancing, so he would like to do a bit of …

Dave:  Sure.

Elizabeth:  And all the donations will go to Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy to help those kids, because unfortunately that is terminal.

Dave: Alright.

Elizabeth: And I’ve nursed a couple of those children, so it’s …

Dave: Full on.

Elizabeth: It is full on.

Dave: Yeah, I can help with that.

Elizabeth: Thank you. So thank you Dave O’Neil.

Dave:  Thank you for having me.

Elizabeth:  It’s been an absolute delight.

Dave O’Neil, thank you very much for guesting on Writers’ Tête-à-Tête with Elizabeth Harris.

Dave:  Thank you.

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